"Assholes."
Finally posting up something on my blog, aye?
Sorry for the ultra long delay cause I'm always busy and my computer is
being a real problem for not connecting to my Internet.
haha oh well.
Birthday coming soon too, this coming Wed (4th Sep).
and it's the day of my Literature Paper 2 Prelim 3, fml.
Hope it goes well..
And I'm happy that my bestie is finally back from Indonesia.
Hope to meet her up soon :)
The past few months/weeks,
I feel that my life has changed.
In a way when I thought I had everything but
it all turns out to be a beautiful lie.
I was living in delusional.
Should I start from the beginning?
Actually, I don't even know where's the start.
I don't even know when it all started.
But when I did, I can't salvage it anymore.
Friendship problems, lol whutt.
She used to be my priority.
I don't know if she knew but yes, she was.
Things like when I first won a pair of concert tickets,
I thought of bringing her along cause I know she hasn't been to any concert before.
So are you telling me now that all those laughter and smile were fake?
Wow.
But come again,
the problem could be myself, I acknowledge that but whatever it's going now,
I really cannot comprehend.
You have became the reason behind my fake smiles and the reason why I hate school.
How about those days when you yourself prioritize your CCA and SL?
Did we give up on you?
NO.
Now that clique that I used to love has become the core of hatred in class.
Everyone hates them now, lol.
Ironic eh.
Hypocrites.
In the past, we always gossip about others but now?
You have became closer to that person you badmouthed at.
I hope to that person, you'll realised that that person who is your bestie now,
isn't who you really want to be with.
You're just a replacement.
And if I ever pop you this question:
"So can you guarantee that your current friends now really treat you and like you as friend 100%?"
If you didn't hesitate, you're lying.
Ha ha ha, I'm just watching the world burn.
But this on another hand,
I think I'm losing my good friend soon cause she found good friends
who could make her laugh more, in another word, entertain her more than I do.
Even if she didn't realised that, she is that kind of person.
She'll join someone else if she finds that funny and entertaining.
But though she may act this way, I know deep in her heart, she still remembers me.
Tbh, I'm a little annoyed cause I feel that I'm used.
But in any case, I don't want to lose her cause after all, we went through a lot too.
After my separation from that clique,
I joined, to what my class thinks, the outcasts.
Actually those outcast see things in different perspectives.
And I respect them cause they are stronger than us.
They had to withstand social issues and studies whereas,
everyone seem to have a great social status.
I really respect them.
And I got to know someone even more after I left them.
They were different that what I thought they were in past.
Though I know, i'm being judged cause I join them but
whatever, judge all you can.
I don't need your opinion to live my life.
I kind of lost everything that I used to have but now,
I'm grateful cause this also showed me that my
Brothers and Sisters in Church has really gave me strong support.
Idiot me, why was I a backslider?
But now, I want to contribute as much as I can.
Picking up guitar skills too and now I just need to get myself a guitar so I can practise!
After all these, I'll be lying if I say I don't hate them but
I'm grateful this event happen actually.
My luck changed for the better.
I won a iPad mini, Body Shop Hamper, loads more of concert tickets and met
a really great concert friend name Coral.
She too been through even more shit in school but i'm glad we could relate to each other :)
Hopefully same goes to my academics of course, I want to do the very best I can.
My physics teacher even gave me a Hillsong album as an encouragement to do well for
the upcoming national examinations.
My Chinese teacher told me a really deep saying, I even felt like tearing when she said it
but the moment i saw those "friends" who just walked into class, I just held back my tears.
And hopefully, let my N level examination results outshine the rest :)
Jiayous, Jessica!
To Myya,
Please stay strong with me.
No more cutting, no more worries as I'm here with you.
My biggest wish for you is that you'll be able to come church with me, go for this year's church camp.
Study hard and I love you as you understood me.
Thank you xoxo
