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Friday, January 25, 2013

#285 ; I'll just fake a smile




"I don't know what's real anymore."





[ viewer discretion  is advised ]




It's a Fridayyy!
* yipppe *

Tomorrow I'll be doing CIP (Community Involvement Programme)
where I'll be like anywhere around Singapore,
asking for donations.

Gahh, please people,
if you're reading this and you're out of your crib,
and if you ever spot me, 
PLEASE DONATE ALL YOUR COINS TO ME LOL.
Appreciated ; ' )







This week is yet another busy week.
But it's even more fucked up.

But before that, I'll start on the events that happened last week : )

First of all,
last week Thursday during my Netball training,
I sprained my ankle.
I had a hard time standing up in the early morning of Friday, that next day,
I even cried cause it hurts so badly.
All swell up and it's difficult to walk.

And that day I missed my Social Studies test lol.
Later in the evening, 
I managed to walk, 
took the mrt back and forth.
Go Jurong East MRT to collect my BOY LONDON pullover from a blogshop owner.
Omg, I think this is one of my great buys cause it's super cheap compared
to Bugis or any other blogshops. 
The material is like super comfy.
burrr ~

Met up with Nicholas and Deepa for dinner.
Just spamming sushi.
But Deepa had to leave early * inserts sad face *
sobs, oh well.

We accompanied her to find her manga but no avail.
Caught MAMA, this movie --> TRAILER HERE
with Nicholas hahha NC16 by the way.

Omg, literally jumped out of my seat for some parts cause you don't
really expect that's coming haha.
Hopefully I can watch some better horror film soon omg.

And that dear boy gonna go for his enlistment soon ) :
haha, hope he'll get into his dream unit!







Anyway, after that week,
this week was pretty screwed.

Summary :
1. Bad performance on court
2. Sprained my ankle again over my old injury that have not fully recover - this sucks alot
3. Keep having constant arguments with my Dad and Mom for some reason.

I just don't fucking get it.
Why can't he stop and listen to what I have to say before he makes a conclusion?
I'm feeling super accused.

Sidetrack - My dad is pretty outdated and stuff. 

I meant like me, using my wi - fi is like what, a death penalty?
lol I'm trying not to use my data on my phone too often.
I'm using my wi - fi via my phone to do some school work yet he claims
I'm playing games on my phone lol what?
And I'm wasting electricity? lol dad seriously.

First of all,
you don't even like to sight of me using my computer.
So that is why I have a smartphone, eh?

Secondly,
CAN'T YOU PLEASE TRUST ME? WTF.
And do you really think I love staying up till midnight to complete my schoolwork
and ending up waking up late for school?
YOU THINK I FUCKING LIKE IT?
Fuck you, no.

I'm trying to work hard to my academics this year.
I'm really please on how hardworking I am for myself,
I have a better self-discipline to do my work now.

Urgh, I understand you Dad but i'm really suffocating here too.
I know you ain't living long, I know it.
But I really don't wanna make you angry but things is really getting too unreasonable.

And what's worst, you said you hated me.
wow, good going Jessica.
I feel useless.









Lol, seriously,
Is 2013 really a good or a bad year for me?
Only time will tell . .









Now I'll just need to focus on my recovery on my ankle,
academics and work?
At least me while working is a happier side of my misery.

And I realized,
many of the people around me are facing some friendship problems.
I even saw my junior cried today in school.
Just standing in on corner,
not knowing what else to do but to breakdown and cry to your heart's content.

I can comprehend that feeling cause I myself is facing such a problem
but I'm choosing to ignore it cause it hurts so bad to know the truth.
Just fake a smile, no one cares anyway.

I'll just keep to what it seems to be like on the surface . .


Will there be a brighter side of my pain?
I'm lost.











Sunday, January 13, 2013

#284 ; Breakdown








" Wished I was away from those city sight, just for awhile. "

- I need to catch my breath - 





Yes this week,
it's freakin hectic.

On the verge to breakdown last Wednesday.
I was literally struggling to tell myself that I'll be fine.

Perhaps I'm not really ready for this 2013 year.
My school schedule is really tight this year,
FUCKING TIGHT.

Urgh, I can't seem to find any space to breathe.
Study, study, study.

I see no freakin fun here.




Who really care about me anyway?
Lol, screwed up life.

Anyway, I'm just looking forward to this Friday.
My school week will officially end for the weekend break.
Have a great dinner with 2 awesome people,
it will really make my day.

Soo just this week,
Nick decided that I should really take a goood break
yesterday so we headed town to catch a movie, 
grab some nice dinner - I mean, REALLY REALLY NICE. HAHA
and Cold Stone! haha : )

Check out my instagram photos for the highlights for the day!
haha ; ), @/JCYY_

Other than yesterday,
I too always enjoyed working the same shift as him.
He always does those silly things that will just make you smile, haha.

Getting to know him was perhaps, something great that God gave me.
Haha, feelin' blessed.




Cause lately, I don't recall who's MY best and CLOSE friend
anymore . .






Close friends you say? I think I already lost some of them
though they may be physically beside me.

Welcome to my life.






To that girl, if you're reading this :

DONT CONSIDER SUICIDE AGAIN KAYY!
Let those fuckers bark at you who constantly tells you to just kill yourself.
They are hopeless, nowhere in life.
Whereas, you could actually make it in life.
I hope you really see this point cause I can't afford to lose anyone that
I know around me anymore.

It really kills my mood.