"Why why why ."
This week is pretty screwed up for me.
Been really having too much over-thinking now.
I keep thinking of the worst situations,
just everything negative.
I'm beginning to doubt people,
bring myself to think that they hate me, or just want to pull me down.
Who real now?
I don't know.
I don't know what's scarier now . .
Knowing that there's no one by your side
or
losing your mind
Maybe, some were right.
I should not even talked to that fb group.
But at first, they were all so caught up with their new friends
before i even went that group.
I felt super "extra".
If not now I won't be dealing this shit.
What to do?
I really care about them but I mean nothing to them.
I want to change myself but how to please them?
What is wrong with you Jess?
Seriously, why you such an asshole?
Even if I ever disappear from here, no one cares, yeah?
Crying for the past few nights,
just blaming myself for not cherishing what was in front of me the whole time.
To add on,
I think i have said before but yes,
I believe my Dad is leaving me soon, to a far far away place.
Okay, just gonna wait and see who gives a shit about me.
It's really depressing now for me.
I don't know what to do.
I feel freakin stupid.
I hate secondary school life, everything.
Everything is so fake to me.
Now I know who is being true to me, only a few.
No wonder why people choose to be a loner instead.
They know they'll get hurt if they cared to much.
I wonder to them, if they knew people hated them too,
how would they react?
Would they react like how i would or just ignore?
Well at these times,
i would say ignorance is a bliss.
This holiday "break" is a perfect time for me to really take a break
from these faces and face my own reality world.
Deal with myself, improve on myself.
What else can I do now?
All i can do now is just reflect and change.
All along, I thought being that way would be the best way to make people laugh
but perhaps its too overboard?
People found it offensive.
I really want to make people be happy around me,
thats all I'll ever ask for.
Sorry if you were the one that I have offended you.
Don't worry, karma is already here for me.
Be happy and laugh at me okay?
God, I want to grace this chance to be even closer to you now.
You're the only one that I care now.
God, help me please.
They are those people that i really cherish a lot, but now because i hurt them,
I lost them.
