#283 ; For a better tomorrow - 2013

"CAUSE BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK,"

Time flies pretty fast eh,

don't you think so?

It's gonna be 2013 in a blink of an eye.

HAHHA yes,

You must be thinking, 

why the world ain't ending? * insert sad face * 

First of all,

Don't blame those mayans.

Come on, it's not really their fault.

And I believe none of those shit.

The world will eventually come to an end when God says so,

remember this.

This year,

wasn't very promising for me though.

Academics falling apart,

friendships falling apart,

relationship wise . . ?

I don't know about love.

Family? Somewhat alright but just not good enough.

I want a stronger bond with my family.

Like what they say,

Blood is thicker than water.

Hope and wishes for 2013 and beyond ?

1. Buck up on my academics - I must give my all for the next 2 years.

2. Stronger bond between my Mom and Dad.

3. Grow stronger in faith with Christ.

4. Have a cute relationship? Haha ; )

5. I want to be a support to the people around me - Making them smile makes my day.

And to this special girl somewhere,

if you are reading this - 

Believe in yourself kays? I really don't know how to comfort you, 

get you out of your depression but promise me, never think of suicide as your solution.

I know, you had a tough life.

Since you're born, you have been dealing with abuse, pain. And when you're out of home,

you feel that you're being outcast, leftout.

Since then, you're always being so insercure about yourself. 

I can tell you this like a thousand times: You're aren't ugly nor fat, you're just unique.

Let God be your reason why you should live.

I don't know what's happening on your love life cause that seems to be affecting you the most now 

but whatever babe, let that go.

If it's not for you, don't push it.

And just ignore the world and live yours. People around you may bring you down but

it's your life, fuck it.

And I just want to see you improving on your results cause that 

would help alot in your future. And, YOU'LL HAVE A FUTURE KAY.

In case you're thinking otherwise ; )

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABEEE! * throws hugs and kisses * 

And what really made my December 2012 

a little brighter was I got to meet these 2 awesome people

while I was working.

I don't know but I really felt happy with them.

Their beautiful names are Deepa and Nicholas.

Haha, yeah

It may mean nothing but it's been awhile since I really had

smiles on my day when I faced some friendship problems

for a period of time.

Though their time here in Singapore may not be long,

I really just want to cherish the time with them and

create even everlasting memories. 

And yeah, it may not mean anything but . .

Thank you for ending my 2012 with a better start to my 2013 ; )

Ahhh I'm already missing my friend back in Indonesia alreadyy!

She said she'll be back to Singapore for a visit by March next year,

hopefully she can make it .

Let 2013 be an awesome start for everyone.

Yes, including you, whoever you are, 

reading this blog post.

LET THE FLAMES IGNITE, BOOOOOM.

#282 ; Memories 12-12-12

"Holds no meaning for me."

How's your day going for 12-12-12?

I'm just being a # foreveralone girl spending her time 

today on work and gaming, HAHA.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

No seriously, I did went to work and game the whole day today..

Perhaps I'll just use this day, use this post to thank someone that 

I knew less than 3 years

but felt like it's been a long time.

This particular dude is going NS sooon!

HAHA finally, 

becoming a real man.

Somehow, I was kanda there to listen his bullshits

while he went through some tough relationship problems.

His breakups, etc.

I'm happy to say that he is really going stronger

now in a new relationship.

Last long ya, bytch! ; )

And recently we went out for a outing with him along with

Thaddeus, Hannah and Yutian.

Yup, with this few old good online mates.

HAHA.

Went for steamboat at Chinatown and stayed overnight

at Jon's place.

Had Mac breakfast in the morning and home sweet home.

YES OF COURSE,

which outing does not have any one NOT teasing me ) :

Those arseholes, LOL.

Had a blast that weekend.

Thank for everything.

Though you may not be a very very perfect person,

at least I did really found something in you that I can

have you as a trust-worthy friend.

Try to enjoy your enlistment, HAHA.I don't know what will happen in 2 years time but I'll haveyou in my memories.

THANK YOU SO MUCH,

Jonathan Lee.

#281 ; You

"My dreams."

Do me a favour :

Pause my music player, located top of my blog and play this video instead.

"I was always waiting for you

even though I couldn’t say it

I laughed

to softly cover

the insufficient days that passed

with just experiencing it

I fell through

from the fingertips

we were separated

and disappeared

good bye

to the point I’ll be able to forget you

I want to see a lovely dream

If I turn on this kind of beautiful light

you can’t cast your eyes down, right?

there are many things

I want to know more of

That isn’t the reason I disappeared

I’d just went back to my original place

I fell in love with another

person

I feel like I understand this

so I cried

Good bye

to the point I can forget you

there aren’t such as things as lovely dreams

No matter what kind of beautiful light I turn on,

I’ll be standing still in the front of a mirror

I don’t have any confidence

I’m sure everyone feels the same

I suddenly remembered

your side face

Forever

without forgetting you

I’ve started to search the continuation

of this dream

Scary things

won’t disappear

I’ve understood that

you can’t cast your eyes down, right?"

This song holds tons of meaning for me.

I know ahhh, it's a Japanese song

blah blah but it's cool alright!

That's all I have to say much.

I'll blog more soon next week.

Just another moody day.

#280 ; Hopeless feelings

"Don't give up on yourself. - That's what she said."

Yes, sorry readers.

I'm finally back from a long ' break '.

MY COMPUTER IS FINALLY ALL FIND NOWW.

Yay!

Alot of things were happening when I'm

away from this blog of course.

It is too lengthy to write it all down cause I myself

have forgotten what happened anyway.

Haha yes people.

If you're a follower on my Twitter & Instagram ,

I would know clearly what I have been dealing

in the past few months.

I really felt like years since I last posted my entry here.

Nothing new actually.

I'm always dealing the same issue over and over again.

Why did you left me hanging?

Do you really hated me that much?

Or did you feel like you are a burden to me?

I don't know.

And now I found a new job heehee.

So this also means I may not be sooo free though,

And I JUST RECEIVED MY BURSARY FROM MOE OMG YAY.

I thought this year I can't get it.

But wow, miracle.

Thank God for this early Christmas gift,

Amen.

"But I don't wanna let go.."

#279 ; I trust god with my life.

"After all, He gave it to me."

It's pretty a roller coaster week eh.

I can't really remember what happened this week that I wanted

to blog. 

So this is going to be a very very short post.

LOL FML.

# OOTD

I was pretty excited since last week about this Show Choir event.

Omg, cool shit!

I just can't wait to go out with friends again : )

And of course, dress up! HAHA.

I just need to get outfits like this.

Okay back to last evening.

SHOW CHOIR!

Yup, went to ACS International to watch my school in the finals.

And Peirce Seconday made it to 3rd place!

Awesome shit!

The schools are great I swear.

Regent Secondary had a shocking Performance omg.

I like their like horror theme for their song, Toxic.

But i realised they ALWAYS sing that song.

You can just go Youtube and search for 

Regent Secondary Show Choir.

I swear the entire search results is that song, Toxic - Britney Spears.

But not bad and I thought they will be 1st then Tampanies Secondary came.

The last part of their performance,

pop the popers, that kind with all kind of giltters.

omg, no wonder they got 1st instead.

And Peirce Secondary, I kana felt the 2nd song was not that power enough : l

Ohwell, still a great job guys.

I never looked down on my school!

Please, 

to those choir members.

Don't cry! You guys were awesome. 

 For the first time in Show Choir and made it to the 3rd place!

 We're proud of you. You guys made a History kays. 

 괜찮아, Ken-chan-ah! [ It's alright. ]

Love you guys, ; )

SMILE!

Take 2!

I want foooood!

We were like sooo hungry yesterday cause we didn't eat lunch that kind.
So one whole big group go out eat at Wendy's at Holland Village.

Ahhh awesome.
Food is awesome.
HAHHA.

Raphael's bacon so hard while Edmund & Jerald's bacon tastes fine. 
HAHHAHAHA poor thing.




Took circle line back to Bishan then home sweet home!

Should have tied my hair like that.
At least I kana look great, : l

And it turned out to be a Beautiful Night for me.

#278 ; Your not ugly, society is.

 In this judemental society: 

" When you call a girl pretty, she only remembers for like a minute.

But when you call her fat / ugly, she will remember for life. "

Sucks to be me I swear.
I meant like,
yes I do get criticism from people around me.

But when they reach to my limit,
that's it.

I freakin annoying k.
I hate it.

Call me fat / ugly for all I care but if you rub it too hard,
you ' re freaking hurting my feelings.

Then fine, let say it's karma for me then.
Sucks.

I have been freaking moody these few days.

Feel like cry so badly.

I'm really tired from school, friends and family.

really tired . .

I wanna give up but I can ' t.

I just need to keep on going.

Go Jessica ?

I really feel so fcuked up.
Even now when I'm blogging,
I feel like crying already.

Ah,

lets go back to my day today.

So school as usual,
woke up at around 6.15am
Feeling damn worn out.
Not enough sleep, always.

Had Chemistry,
Maths, History and Mother Tongue lesson today.
Oh ya,
Chem SAT too.

I only looked forward to History and Chemistry lessons today.
Chemistry lesson was like damn slack,
doing experiments and stuff.
History was all about just watching videos and learning more about Hitler ; )

After that I had to rush over to the Kitchen to have our
" Potluck " .
So basically, this day is where we
Student Leader find time to get together to either
Celebrate a occasion or to welcome Secondary 1 in our Student Leader board.

We celebrated Mr Ong, our DM Birthday.
Once again Happy Birthday Mr Ong! ; )

Had tons of fun : )
then I had to rush back to class for Social Studies extra remedial.

I swear I don't like my new SS Teacher's teaching.
So I had like an intensive 4 hours of SS lesson with 2 different teachers.

First 1 hour with my class SS Teacher was super slack.
I at the back of  my school's Theaterette there joking, laughing away.
HAHHA.


Then the next 3 hour,
back to my favourtite SS teacher, Ms Goh!
Hehe, love her man.

Always giving her all for her students though we are ex-students
in her class now.

She gave a brief summary on Conflict of Causes and Concequences on Sri Lanka.
Finally understood something.

I have Social Studies CA2 on this coming Monday.
It's like a either do or die paper.
Sigh.


Hope I got enough time to complete 2 essay in like 40 mins?
AHHHH I'm bad at writing fast.

Still, thank you soo much Ms Goh!

After that,

went off to Novena, Square 2 to enquiry about my class-tee.

Hehe, I'm done with it and now I just need to get them to pay me ; )

Hope it will turn out as fine as last year's!

And had dinner at Burger King.

Went home after that.

On the way back on the MRT Train,

I saw this Old Man beside my group of friends.

My group of friends were like joking away then he looked at us and smiled.

Expectational, his smile reminded me of something.

He kanda reminded me of my Dad.

So when he smiled and he did looked at me,

I just smiled back hahas.

I swear his smile is really cute though he like all dressed old,

and carrying a small "Hot Wheel" bag pack.

I don't know.

He kanda almost made me cry.

My heart dies a little when I see a elderly.

He reminded me about these few things:

1. My " Grandmother" -
   
   She was the one who took care of me once in awhile when my parents where out to work and I need to be left at home when I was young.
   That's why when I was P2 - P3, I was pretty independent in going home on my own. This made my parents at ease.
   Just recently, she just passed on.
   And since the Fasting Month is about to start for the Muslims, this is gonna be the first year having Hari Raya Puasa without her. I feel sad now when I think of her.
   Though I was super mischievous when I was young when I was under her care, she still took care of me, took me like her own child. And I'm grateful to her, really.
   I love you, God-Grandma.
2. My Dad -
   
   I know he will not stay with me for a very long time. He may not even see my fruit of labour next time when I grow up.
    My relationship with him is still bad and I don't know how to show love to him. I just really don't know how to make him happy. I just want to let him know that no matter what, I will still love him though I don't express my actions or words.
   I will keep you close to my heart.

Perhaps this is why I feel emotional towards elderly I guess.

This makes sense hahas.

Shall just stop here, I got no mood to continue now.

#277 ; Friday 13th

" Can't you just say nicer things to me?"

F R I D A Y , 1 3 T H  J U L Y  2 0 1 2

Wow can't believe this year,
alot of 13 of the month
falls on a Friday.

You know,
creepy things happens.
But for me was rather a rough day.

And i wanted to blog yesterday cause
it would be cool to have a post on that day but
my computer failed on me last night, ) :
So I ended up watching Youtube on my phone.


Internet Icon !
WATCH IT.
It's pretty interesting I swear.
HAHAHA : ' )

And oh hey !

Watch this video you moody people start reading my blog ; 

Alright,

Let's start from the top.

So woke up,
usual.

When walking towards the traffic lights,
it started to rain.
Thank God that I managed to reach the shelter
before it started pouring heavy.

Then I stopped and realised I left my main file,
AT HOME.
# fml

This file has all my worksheets in it.
ahhhh shit.
So I told myself it's okay.
I still got my foolscap with me ._.
# positivethinking


Reached school,
morning assembly,
Our DM was like pms-ing.
Then back to our lessons,

even my mother tongue teacher pms.
Started shouting lmao LOL.

Only teacher that didn't pms?
Mr Pillai - History Teacher.
AWESOME HAHAHA : )
Trust me, I love this teacher.

Had to stay in school till 5pm plus,
do to duties.
But more like slacking every single Fridays.

Played Running Man,
or more like catching around school.
Freaking tired but fun HAHAHA.

Then my other group of friends started to play their catching too.
But I lazy joined in cause I never answer call from them, opps. 
HHAHA!




I don't care.
Next week, we're gonna play Running Man our style : )


Then went out for dinner,
Prata at AMK Hub there.
Wah, bad service.

Hate it.
And so hard get place to sit!
But okay, the food is awesome.
SO IT'S FINE. BUT SERVICE IS A BOOHOO!

I wannt get these, HEHEHE.

And these few days,

people around me have tons of relationship problems.

Sigh, how can I even help?

1. Everyone is like always faking a smile around their group of friends,trying to forget everything but they can't. 
2. People trying to hard to get someone but he/she may not know the real truth why is he/she always rejecting you.
3. Some people are letting it go but the past keeps chasing. 

Nothing seems to go right.

N O T H I N G.

I don't know how to say,

how to cheer people up.

Even some are placed on a spot to spit out the truth 

when he/she knows that someone has trusted that person

when he/she tells that person it's true feelings.

I know it sucks to be that kind of "peacemaker".

You want both sides to be happy but you're just making yourself

suffer cause you're doing something against your will.

Isn't it considered a sin?

Someone trusted you sooo much till he/she tells you almost everything - secrets.

But yet you kanda betray and tell other people cause he/she keeps on prying.

Sigh, wtf is going on.

Let there be light in every doubt you face.

#276 ; Life goes on, whether we like it or not.

"YOLO."

It's the weekends at last.
Can't take this week anymore.
Superr energy sucking sia.

Tuesday - Netball training and stuff.
Court game.
I'm like a bully sia LOL.
Lower Sec short short.
Then I over there rise my hands up,
take ball shoot.
HAHAHHA SORRY.

On Youth Day Holiday,

I went to Downtown East to like "celebrate" my friend's birthday.

In advance, 

H A P P Y  B I R T H D A Y  H U I T I N G , #loadsoflove !

We went to catch The Amazing Spiderman.

HAHA #COOLSHIT

They make a great couple, I swear.

Awww Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield.

In case you have not watched yet,

go go go.

Get the hell out of your house and watch it now!

WESSHHH!

Wow, beauty eh?

Just Wednesday,
We started our Elective Modules.
Our dance session was suppper tiring I swear.
My legs could just break like instantly.
But it was fun!
HAHAS.

During PE earlier,
just playing basketball
with the boys,
Freakin' epic!

Training on Thursday was pretty slack too.

Coach never come again ) :

I am not sure what happen though but faster come back ley!

* AHHHH *

Friday,

Detention Duty.

As usual, we were doing NOTHING.

LOL.

But that day got Choir CCA.

And I must say,

I'm impressed. 

My school choir just adopted this thing called :

Show Choir.

AWESOME RIGHT!

They chose this song,

It may be old but it's sounds still good.

HAHA GO PEIRCE CHOIR!

Finals please!

And these few days,

I have been so concentrated on my lessons,

for some reasons i'm not sure LOL

Like a sudden urge to just really focus.

But I was not really listening to my Social Studies lessons though,

new teacher : l

Hate it.

Can't concentrate.

But History got back my favourite teacher,

MR PILLAI.

#fyeah

Okay shall eat my lunch now and enjoy doing my studies later.

I still need to do Class Video and some Youth Day Write-Up.

Ohwell.

OH YA, MATHS TEST.

#fml